rather poor attempts to be domestic

In a terribly misguided attempt to use the bulk of my day to...bake...and...clean (!?) I renewed my vow to abstain from beating myself up for not being quite as housewifey as I want to be. Okay, I'm not saying that being a housewife-type is good or not good, whatever floats your boat and all that (and yes, I know that stay-at-home-mom is one way of saying this, unless you're kidless, in which case you're a lucky bitch). BUT, I would like to be a versatile kind of woman: a cake-baking, stock-broking, knitting, basketball-playing, bathroom-cleaning, CEO kinda gal. Except I'm none of those things, actually.

I tried to make TD carrot cupcakes. I also tried to clean the kitchen. As for the cupcakes, I have no idea what happened. I tried to make them from scratch which was my first mistake. I used a recipe, seriously, I did. And, well, I took photos of the outcome (to be posted ASAP). The only thing left of that project is a tupperware container full of delicious cream cheese icing and an oven full of half-baked batter drips. And the kitchen cleaning? It was completely nauseating*. The more I cleaned, the more I found and I was almost appalled that we haven't been hospitalized with every foodborne illness available. I found myself nearly gagging a few times, which is when I usually give up. I powered on, but had to acknowledge that tomorrow's another day and the cleaning of the kitchen is a week-long process that might be completed by the time Bean gets here.

The moral of my boring story is that I'm going to nap. I am just not so hot at this housekeeping thing and fuck it, I don't have to be. I do have an impossibly high standard rolling through my conscience as the Bean's grandma is an impossibly wonderful homemaker. The family gives her a lot of shit for how particular she gets and how grand her dinners and parties often are, but damn. I think we're all just embarrassed for ourselves. Today I'm pretty grateful for what bleach can do for a petri dish of a kitchen. As for the cupcakes, we'll just call grandma on that one.

xoxoxo
k

*"nauseating" is a theme for me. It seems that morning sickness means that not only smells and tastes turn my stomach, but things I read, tv I watch, crannies of my house I choose to look at closely, my coworkers, my students' papers-- all these have the power to turn my stomach. Huh.