a bit of a misunderstanding

I'm not sure how to say this delicately so I won't. I thought there was a serious baby problem until I realized that it was just pretty nasty farts. I kept waiting for something more serious than disgusting gas to happen so I could run to the ER and have a nice doctor hold my hand and tell me everything is okay. As it turns out, I'm glad I kept my farts to myself. This whole business is so weird. Way weirder than I could have ever guessed.